Picture the scene; you’re getting ready to see 2 friends for brunch on one of the hottest Sundays of the year so far. You know that afterwards you’ll be doing a spot of sunbathing (us Brits jump on that band wagon at the spot of sunshine!) so you need to dress appropriately…
I thought I’d share the things that went through my mind before I left my flat on that deliciously hot morning…
“My arms are too big for vest sleeves”
Honestly, I thought this. Crazy. But over the last 18 months, my body has changed a lot and I’m still not used to seeing the slightly softer me….
“My shoulders are too broad”
Avoid tan lines and wear a strapless top or dress? Not for me! All I see is a mass expanse of flesh and little bulges under my arms. I also feel incredibly “butch” for want of a better word. Boob-tubes are out for me…
“I’m so bloody pale”
I’ve said it time and time again – I’m the least Italian, Italian girl ever! I wasn’t blessed with the olive skin most people of Mediterranean heritage ‘should have’, I got the fair skin and blue eyes gene, which I have grown to love. However meeting up with up with two lovelies, one of which is deeply olive skinned and the other is a self tan fan and always glam, I felt pale and boring.
“My legs wobble too much when I walk”
I have always been self conscious about this one; it probably stems from a bitchy comment from a bully when I was only 12 years old. I had strong legs back then – lots of sprinting and netball meant I used them a lot. But after being called thunder thighs by someone half my size at the time kinda stuck with me. And they say bullying doesn’t affect you forever…
“My legs aren’t long enough”
I usually think this when I put a pair of shorts on, or want to wear anything midi length. Urgh, why can’t I just be a little taller. With long, slim, enviable legs. Curse those short Italian genes…
“Oh God – chub rub!”
Anyone who doesn’t have a thigh gap can probably relate to this one – a common problem when wearing a dress or skirt in the heat. It’s inevitable; your things WILL touch and therefore rub as you walk. Not only is it uncomfortable, it looks awful when you get undressed, too!
“Oh look, more shaving rash”
No matter what products and various razors I have used over the last 17 years, I never avoid shaving rash on my legs so therefore hate getting them out. Damn my sensitive skin!
“They’ll look great; they are much skinnier than me”
This thought saddened me the most. Every women is beautiful, no matter what size she wears. So why do we feel less beautiful simply because we look different to others? Does being a little heavier, curvier, or paler than your friends make them love you any less? Absolutely not. They are your friends because they like you, not your body.
Well, most of the time 😉
Anyway, after a lot of deliberation and a spillage on the original outfit choice (a sign perhaps?!) I decided I wouldn’t let this dictate my wardrobe. Rather than changing into my trusty black jeans and oversized tee, I threw on some shorts, vest and wedges and off I went….
I’ll be totally honest, like always, this isn’t the first or only time I have these thoughts. Honestly? Most social outings start with this thought process, followed by feelings of intense anxiety.
Who will I be pictured next to? How much bigger than them am I? What if what I wear looks stupid and I’m the odd one out?
I felt exactly like this before attending a wedding a few weeks ago, surrounded by some of my oldest friends…The feelings of being inadequate coupled with a paranoia about being late and stressed almost induced a panic attack….How crazy is that?
We are all different shapes and sizes with various skin-tones, blemishes and we all have our own hangups, but we were happy.
And I think we all look pretty hot 💛
Photo Credits: Maddie Potter